I often have a hard time sleeping in new places. This is super annoying, I have the hardest time giving in to my bodies need for rest. I though am who I am now in this moment, so I give thanks. In the last 51/2 years I have been in university, in those years if I have learned anything, it is that all things change, evolve, nothing stays the same, we move, grow, mature. Yesterday I realized the paradox that we are living and dying at the same time! This really makes me want to put things in better perspective.
I waste so much breath and energy on insigificant crap. I worry about stuff that is trivial, I obsess about things that are miniscule. I wish all I thought, said, and did were only the most thoughtful and meaningful.Yet I still fall victim to self obsession, worried only about my goodwill. In my sleep deprivated state I write unclearly yet I dont care because my journal is far away. Sometimes I wish I could tell the world to shut the f%*k up, stop talking, stop making noise, listen, listen, quiet, listen. I get quite iritated because my life is so loud and I the numero uno decible creator.Sometimes I wish time didn't move because I then wouldn't mourn moments behind, missed. I don't live in the moment because my intuition permits only anxiousness about the future. Carpe diem, I wish, yet days can't be seized, as if taken and frozen still. Life is only life in movement. So I am forced to learn stillness in movement, centering myself yet, water flows, cars pass, people walk.
"Nobody told me the road would be easy," aint it so. I wish someone would have lied to me, I see the the decieved everyday bitch at incorrect starbucks orders daily. I want to be one of those people, who truly believe that all in life is controlled by them and nothing left to chance or other people.
As I yawn, I guess life is truly important because its always moving and we get to move along with it. We don't control much of anything in life because ultimately days aren't promised. I look excitingly towards the day when life doesn't feel like death, but like moments moving for me, with me, in me.
